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Considering Couples Therapy: Choose a Therapeutic Approach that Works for You

Couples therapy has come a long way, adapting to the challenges of modern relationships. As couples face issues like poor communication or clashing values, various therapeutic approaches have emerged to help them navigate their journey toward emotional healing. This post will shed light on the different types of couples therapy available, highlighting how they vary and helping couples make informed choices to restore their emotional bonds.


Traditional Couple's Therapy


Traditional couple's therapy, often called couples counseling, typically involves in-person sessions with a licensed therapist. This method allows couples to analyze their relationship dynamics, communication styles, and individual backgrounds. Telehealth services are also available for those who are looking for the convenience of attending sessions online, rather than in-person.


During sessions, therapists encourage open discussions, fostering a safe space for partners to share feelings and perspectives. For example, a therapist may help a couple identify recurring arguments about finances by exploring their histories around money. By pinpointing these patterns, partners can find healthier ways to communicate and work together.


Couples Therapy Session
Couples engaging in therapy with a therapist

This method benefits couples willing to engage in honest conversations. A 2019 study found that couples participating in traditional therapy reported a 70% improvement in relationship satisfaction after six months. However, it may not suit couples where one partner is hesitant about the process.


Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)


Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) focuses on the emotional bond between partners. Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, this approach is rooted in attachment theory, which emphasizes the importance of connection to others. EFT helps people create positive cycles of interaction where they can ask for and offer comfort and support. EFT helps people create more secure bonds with their loved ones by accessing and sharing their emotions and needs for connection and security.


In EFT, therapists guide couples in identifying and expressing emotional needs while creating a supportive environment. It also helps couples identify and change unhealthy patterns of behavior that developed over time in their primary relationship. For instance, a couple struggling with feeling distant may work on expressing appreciation for each other, aiming to replace critical interactions with positive affirmations. Research shows that EFT has a success rate of 70-75% in helping distressed couples improve their relationships.


This approach works well for couples experiencing emotional disconnection, betrayal, repetitive arguments or conflict, or some type of trauma. EFT helps couples understand and change unhealthy patterns that have developed in themselves and in their primary relationships. Couples can experience new levels of intimacy through EFT and rebuild their emotional ties to one another using this approach. A 2019 review found that EFT was an effective treatment for improving marital satisfaction, and that the recovery was lasting. 


Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Couples


Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be tailored for couples therapy, concentrating on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors that harm the relationship.


In this setting, couples recognize how their thoughts affect their feelings and actions. For example, one partner may habitually think, "My partner doesn't care," leading to hurtful behaviors. By learning to challenge these thoughts, couples can develop better communication and conflict resolution skills. A study found that 80% of couples reported reductions in anxiety and depressive symptoms after participating in CBT.


CBT is beneficial for couples facing anxiety or depression related to their relationship, equipping them with skills to improve their emotional state and overall satisfaction.


Imago Relationship Therapy


Imago Relationship Therapy, founded by Dr. Harville Hendrix, explores the unconscious factors that shape relationship dynamics. This model views each partner as a “mirror,” reflecting the other’s unhealed wounds.


In therapy sessions, couples participate in structured dialogues, allowing them to voice their needs and emotions in a safe manner. For example, during a session, one partner may express feelings of neglect, prompting deeper understanding and empathy. This approach can help couples uncover the motivations behind their recurring conflicts.


Imago therapy is particularly powerful for couples seeking to explore the deeper emotional elements of their relationships.


Couples Learning Through Dialogue
Couples engaging in Imago dialogue exercises

The Gottman Method


The Gottman Method, developed by Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, is a well-researched approach that emphasizes the importance of friendship and respect in relationships.


This method includes various assessments and interventions aimed at enhancing relationships. Couples learn valuable skills such as effective communication and conflict management. For instance, a technique called "The Four Horsemen," identifying toxic communication styles, helps couples recognize harmful patterns. Research indicates that couples utilizing the Gottman Method experience a 60% decrease in relational conflicts after a few months of therapy.


The Gottman Method resonates well with couples looking to strengthen their partnerships and build a solid relationship foundation.


Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT)


Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) is a practical, goal-oriented approach that encourages couples to envision their preferred relationship future. Instead of dissecting past issues, SFBT focuses on solutions and strengths.


Therapists guide couples in identifying what is already working in their relationship. For example, a partner may share that they enjoyed their last date night, prompting discussions on how to regularly incorporate enjoyable activities into their schedule. This method can be especially helpful for couples seeking immediate strategies to address current concerns.


Couples often find SFBT refreshing and motivating as it emphasizes quick gains over lengthy discussions.


Narrative Therapy


Narrative Therapy encourages couples to articulate their personal stories and understand how those narratives influence their relationships. This process fosters insight into how past experiences shape the present.


Therapists help couples "re-author" their stories to identify unhelpful patterns and explore more empowering narratives. For example, a couple may reflect on their family histories to understand how inherited beliefs about love affect their current interactions. This method can guide couples in recognizing paths to solutions they might not have seen before.


Narrative Therapy offers couples the chance to step back and redefine their relationship dynamics constructively.


Final Thoughts


With a variety of couples therapy approaches available, couples can find the method that aligns with their unique needs and relationship dynamics. Each model offers distinct tools for addressing challenges, making it crucial to consider the specific issues at hand.


Whether couples choose traditional methods, emotionally focused interventions, or solution-oriented strategies, the primary objective remains the same: to strengthen emotional connections and foster healthier relationships. By exploring available options, couples can proactively seek greater intimacy and understanding.


Consulting a qualified therapist can guide couples in selecting the most suitable approach for their situation. Working together with a qualified therapist, couples can heal from past injuries and build a thriving relationship rooted in love, respect, and fulfillment.





Inner Polaris Counseling LLC offers Emotionally Focused Therapy to couples living in California and Arizona. If you are interested in learning more about these services, please click here or use the online form to send a message.

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